Forget-Me-Not

Your orange-squeeze
Smash-grin faces shine at me from a box
And I smell sherbet, mint-chip and
Sticky ice-cream summers.
Chewy candy springtime
Hats on your bouncing little heads.
I feel a pang of concern for the icy night tonight.
But I walk on past, thankful for this moment
This memory.

Full circle.

Ocean salt hangs icicles in my hair

My coat on the needled rack

And my heart on hold.

I spent a day and night rolling in circles

Slept through the dawn and into afternoon

I shivered and shook in my isolation

Self-imposed exile to my sheets.

I hover over a little kitchen garden I've made.

Wring my hands and pick my clothes

Chatter my teeth waiting for a sign of life.

For some divine assurance that it's not my fault.

That it was simply circumstance,

That brought my twisted proxies to their end.

That now that I'm happier, more free

I'll be able to grow pansies again.

Overhang.

Hit with a sudden loneliness
As I'm finally not surrounded
For the first time in a week
This hangover, it feels like heartbreak
Like a deep hollow lined with sharp things
I must keep from slipping on the edges
Back against a wall
Hanging from a ledge
But proud to stand here,
All 8 clubs in the air
Happy to be overwhelmed and not have to
Feel guilty about it
This is who I am
This is the way I like to live my life.
Take me or leave me,
But in this moment maybe give me
I'll take anything you've got.

Every wednesday.

Wish you were here.

Sandy summer shoes,

A lesson in each step.

That time we built a car,

A house,

A boat.

That space between the lines that always read

"I love you"

Wish I could remember

Every word ever said

Every laugh and joke and quiet moment

Listening to the radio in the car.

Clock ticks louder every day in the silence between phone calls.

And I feel a tug in my chest.

Two feet.

And am I ever worthy enough to ever forgive

Myself, and you and him and

Can I ever be enough and will you ever be there again

For me.

Live and love and learn from your mistakes, girl.

This the only life I've got ahold of.

Eve.

Ask me.

Ask and I'll tell it again

Where I go, where I escape to

Where, so far away from here, from you and me and

Ocean waves of salty regret.

Pendulum swings two and four with a force

Of God or Nature.

Never felt so holy, there.

Or ever so much a sinner.

I'm sorry I...

I wish that I...

If only I...

I have only now

"Only this, only tonight"

To make things right here.

Only love,

If only.

Giving in and giving up to a poisonous temptation

Eve's apple never tasted to sweet.

Lifting up, but pushing down with every stinking breath.

Echo.

Go ahead. Leave me again.

Run ahead, leave me burning in my head.

Again.

Want to take a walk?

How about wanting to run, "gotta hide, gotta go.

And it's beginning to, and it's beginning to..."

Left to my own devices and vices, left to yours what would you do, princess?

What would you do, darling girl, with the whole world on your platter in front of you?

Would you give it all up?

Eat it whole?

Would you sing its praise and love to the skies and then

Who would listen?

Who would sing back?

Of course you're left with only an echo to breathe back in:

Take care of yourself

Take care of yourself

Take care of yourself.