So, I get an uneventful report from Dayshift Nurse. She then pulls me around the corner and half whispers "I have to tell you what's going on."
Ok.
So, it seems FOB (Father of Baby, not to be confused with SOB) wants to keep the placenta.
Fine, I say, some cultural thing? Expecting to hear he's southeast asian, or some sort of uber-hippie who's trying to complete the cycle of life by planting a tree over the discarded organ.
But no.
"He's white. He just wants to eat it."
She wasn't kidding.
She goes on to say how she asked further "is this some cultural thing?" and was totally unprepared for his response:
"No, you see, I have this fetish..."
He says he has always wanted to eat another human being, and figures this is his only chance to do it legally. He's actually done the research, and there are no laws that say you can't eat your kid's placenta.
"Like, Hannibal Lecter-style?" Dayshift Nurse asks, half bemused, half bewildered.
"No, I don't want to hurt anyone..." replies FOB.
She really wasn't kidding.
So, I went about the patient's care and delivery - apparently patient and her family know about the placenta eating and are just as grossed out as the rest of us. But he persists, willing to buy a new pot so he can cook it because his wife doesn't want him using her pots to cook up a placenta omelet. Or lasagna. He calls a friend after the baby is born "wanna eat some placenta?"
I suppose that a placenta is actually very nourishing tissue, being full of blood and vascular tissue. I'm sure there are nutritional benefits out there, and really, we eat chicken placenta, why not human placenta?
Because it's gross, that's why. Can you imagine forking off a mouthful of mushy lobe? Would the calcifications make it chewy? Would you save the cord for dessert or snack on it first for an appetizer? Would you dry it like jerky? Soy sauce? White wine, or red? Amnion soup? Salad with pecan-encrusted artery? Do you like your placenta broiled or fried?
Gross.
I dutifully packed up the placenta in its yellow-and-white pathology bucket and bagged it for him to take home. I got the impression he wasn't so sure about the whole thing, after seeing and smelling it, but he took it home, despite loud protests from his wife.
I have no idea whether or not he actually ate it, but I hope he did, and I hope it tasted like chicken.
