Broken.

I didn't ask for this.
My obstinacy versus your pig-headedness
My grief, your abandonment
This momentary lapse of reason
Moment after moment.
My fear, my cold hands and dry heart.
Wrung so of all of it.
Draw a line in the drifting sand,
Draw an ocean in my head,
A desert in the sky
Go toe-to-toe with Titans,
And let's just see if the
Flood comes in.
I didn't ask for this.
Keep your lesson,
Your walls of glass.
Knee-jerk high
Down-dress and upbraid.
Choice soundly made.
Goodbye, then, it is.
Good luck, wish things had been different.
Your patience, my forgiveness enough
To keep us coming back for more.
My dream, your prayer
Dreaming new life to faith and love...
This waterfall promise
Frozen.

Secondary intention.

Anything but this, anywhere but here.

I am baptised in the water, cleaned of my sins

I am holy, and whole.

Breathing and breath.

I cast my net wide for rescue.

I'm learning to call for help.

Standing tall and moving on,

But still hanging on every word

Still a piece of me waiting.

More careful.

This? This is the ultimate walk of shame.
Past the colors on the wall I know so well, the letters that spell my regret, my humility.
I stumble, halting steps toward turning tables.
Now I'm the waiting one.
Story carefully crafted, questions already answered.
I lift my heavy eyelids at ragged breathing- I don't belong here.
I don't belong here, but I'm too afraid to leave and too ashamed to not be alone.

It hurts, it hurts.

Tonight is not the night.

Bad Idea Friday commences

In a puff of flame, the bare night laughs

Bow-legged and rickety, my resolve bows in the breeze

The moon sings me a siren song,

And beckons my way.

I get this way, at night

A breath and a wish

A one-two step closer.

Shadow-boxing my way to the finish in my puppet strings.

Please sing to me again,

If only I could hear your song again

I might be ok.

Craps. Or, Reset.

Lost 2 days to a demon in a dice game.
Snakeyes, and I'm in debt.
Found the diamond I was digging for,
Hope this cavern's cold bottom is enough
To lift me up.
I had to swing out over an edge,
Had to test my own limits
To make my own rules
And then learn to follow them.
Had to spill my jewels out on the floor
And chase them, shining, down a well
Had to learn a tough lesson for myself
That what I deserve isn't penance but
Happiness, wonder and grace.
That I need only forgive myself and "all is mended"
That whether it's seven-out, or winner-twelve
I need only live to roll another day to win.

Light.

Did he mention me?
Did he tell you how we're one and the same?
How our grieving arms and heavy eyes changed their places
Took us far and wide together and apart?
Did he tell you that it's all a front, how we figured it all out-
How to stay awake, alert for the next big game
How to keep our wits about us, when everyone else is doe-eyed in the lights,
Yeah we had it all arranged just so, and then the little edges started blurring
The pieces fit all too well together.
We threw our heads high and scoffed, but
A sense of "found", of belonging and of understanding undermined our undertakings.
"You make me doubt myself," he said. "...more than you do..."
If that's the truth of it, then it's so only for my conscious doing.
Only my shepherd moon keeping my heart's hounds at bay.
We live along a pendulum- making our way to and fro-
And, did he also tell you, we hold a secret?
A candle lit in the darkness, left to guide us home.