I'm asking myself: what happened to my pinpoint focus?
My mad abandon?
When did I give up those little shards of God?
Is this a momentary pause?
A paradigm shift?
Simply a symptom of a greater problem?
I'm missing a big piece of what used to define me.
I am getting tired of people asking about my life as a performer.
"I'm taking a break." I say.
"Buying a house."
The truth is, my heart isn't in it and I don't know why.
It can't be completely explained by the brightness of the sun
Or by the opaque clouds.
Too sudden for a real change
But too sustained for a simple rest.
I don't choreograph in my head anymore.
I dread the steps it takes to get to practice my art.
I make excuses and waffle about, flapping my arms and whining.
I keep thinking that the energy will just come
That my old sparks of glitter and glass will appear when they will.
That this is just what I'm supposed to do right now.
But I'm afraid that if i wait too long, I'll forget what that
Exquisite crossroads looks like.
I'll have given up on my art, my passion, my dreams and ideals.
"The Show Must Go On", indeed.
Right?
2 comments:
Or maybe you're just transitioning into the next passion, the next version of you? An imminent transformation...
Change is difficult at first, but then you get your groove back, and it becomes exciting. Wait for it, and it will reveal itself to you. Love you! Peach
Oh, have I been there, done that. It is evolution. But yes, evolution takes time. Here's what you must do. Go outside. Look to the sky, hold your cupped hands in front of you and wait patiently. Something will come to you. Once upon a time I stood on a stage and shouted the blues. Today I write them.
"One thing they don't tell you about the blues when you got 'em, is you keep on falling cause there ain't no bottom, there ain't no end."- Emmylou Harris.
Your questioning only means you have climbed to the top and found yourself on a plateau. There another hill out there on the horizon you just can't quite see it through the rainbow.
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