Seeing around the corner.

"Stand in front of you, take the force of the blow..."
The force of your sight
Your seeing my believing endlessness
Colors flash I'll be your red-green blindness
Keep it secret, keep it safe before it burns you to the ground.
Living lightning out of place
Inward journey's outer space
Take it hold it help it leave
Your loving my stumbling when did I get so graceful...
When did I ever learn to dance?

High standards mean that I'll never disappoint you as much as I fail myself.
I should have run, today.
I should have spent the moments between patients thinking about rehearsal instead of finding stilted and thready connections.
They fill a sort of craving, but never quite enough.
I should learn the violin.
And French- I am good at languages and shouldn't squander that talent.
If I only tried harder and worked more at it, I could be that girl.
But, the more I look around, the more I see I'm actually closer than I think.

"If I don't own it, it can't own me."
A simple observation, complex revelation
With heavy implications for my insidious disease.
I carry it with me like a banner or a torch
Like a blanket or a bear
Something I return to when I've nothing else to do
I realize it's good energy wasted
That I'd be more efficient if I could be
But it's just so damned comfortable.
Find another pattern, here
Find another out, another way to be fulfilled
Fear fakes it's influence with a pompous and empty threat.
And if I can ever be free,
I might have to learn to open my eyes again.