Day 4- Tuesday

Today's challenge is in organization- finding a way to get things to the people who need them involves identifying their needs in the first place. What this place could use more than anything is a big, fat needs assessment.
I finally found a rhythm of sorts doing wound care rounds, but I left it too soon, to my regret, again hoping I would be needed more elsewhere. I was wrong, and spent the rest of the short day doing nothing but following people around, trying and failing at being useful. I am dissatisfied with everything- with myself, with the situation, with my inability to function autonomously here and commit to something. I guess I really just do better with structure, but I think it would be hard for anyone to come into a short-term, chaotic situation without a well-defined role. This is not teaching me what I thought it would. It is unfulfilling. I am ineffective. I am a little overwhelmed today, and probably dehydrated but at least I am not sick!
The novelty has worn off, the adrenaline rush is gone, reality is glaring in my face. Heh, it's the 4th day, playa bends set in at burningman about this time... This isn't easy, glamour or glory. Nursing is rarely glorified work, but what did I expect? To those people coming in behind me: have a plan. Have a role you are stepping into, otherwise you'll be totally lost. Know where you're going and what you're doing. Expect all of your plans to change. You are not the expert. There was a routine to things before you got here, and it will continue after you leave, so don't try and shake things up too much. There are lots of problems here- don't become another one. Remember that EVERYTHING you do helps. Every smile, every kind word, everything.
Made some new friends on the ward during wound care rounds. The man in the corner likes his name written on the bandage on his knee. The young woman across the way is one of 3 survivors from her nursing class of 85. The other two survivors are downstairs. She is missing a 6"x3"x4" hunk of flesh from her right butt. Her wound gets packed with wet gauze twice a day - in the US, we would administer heavy doses of morphine for such a large wound. Here she gets a couple of tylenol. She spends most of her day lying on her belly. She likes us to use some alcohol to remove the tape from her 5 or so other bandages so the tape doesn't hurt as much. I kept rounding with an advanced EMT from the US who will be there another 3 weeks. She shared with me some of her frustrations about the constant chaos and well-intentioned volunteers. Some people make promises to help, to send money, to bring kids to the States and then disappear. The Haitians wait for that. They look toward the door every hour to see if their new friend has come back with the food, soccer ball, or other thing that was promised. The Haitians remember. "Relationships are about saying goodbye" she told me. I'll remember that.

We discovered today that the supplies being donated to Les Cayes General - the "county hospital" type facility we started out at - are being sold back to the patients. We had to wait 20 minutes for a man's family member to go to the pharmacy and buy the valium we wanted to administer to him before trying to reset his dislocated shoulder. We were unsuccessful, and scheduled him for surgery. He thanked us when we left. For what, I'm not sure. Now our Ortho surgeon has a fever. We're going home Thursday. I am done.