Impact.

Competed with myself.
I always push too hard, and should have known better
Than to race my better judgement to some
Invisible finish line.
It's never enough, you see.
I drink from a firehose, and don't say "It's enough" because it never is.
Until I finally stop and look around to find I've
Already drowned.
"Who are you enough for?"
Rang out between my ears
Thought I had a better grip on my own fate
I just wanted some impact,
Didn't quite expect how heavy the fallout would be.

Ticking breeze

Beat by beat

We find some ticking time

Each of us waiting for the bomb

To drop. 

Dance some wicked tango

Meant to try to keep us safe

Safe from sadness and regret and some

Measure of heartbreak.

Beat by beat

Our footsteps sync in time.

No matter how we wander

Keep drifting back in line.

I hope you understand

I don’t know which way this goes 

All I can ever focus on is

What’s right before my toes.

Beat by beat 

More and more. 

Patience trust and courage 

Tell me it’s all worth it 

Not even in the end, but just for now.

I try to do one thing that frightens me.

Every day.

And then someday,

Being in love won’t frighten me so much.

Fell.

I went out.
I was looking for answer.
Something to fill a hole, I was.
Found something to be interested in.
Someone to teach me something.
I breathe in, and breathe hard
And open wide.

These violent delights
Meet violent dreams
and send us to violent ends.
Your violet breaths keep me
ever captivated.

Would you ever breathe with me?
A little of the space between
And I'm ever kept adrift.

Oh, how I fall.

It Breaks.

It breaks.
We break.
We try so hard to put to back together,
I know you do.
You know it's worth it.
I know I'm not.
Or - that you and I just aren't the same.
"I'm just not into you."
I want to say.
"I made a mistake"
I had to say it over and over and
You still believe in my goodness and perfection and a
version of me that I don't wanna be and so
Lie
or subvert the truths
We've always told
the ones that made so much sense in that moment
we just always loved so
hard we could fracture our dreams for your
Hap
Pi
Ness
And weren't you happy?
After it all didn't you
Succeed?
Cause when the end comes and we add up the score of
Yours minus mine
Then it's all been worth it we both end on top.
We both win
We're both on a team
We.
Both.
Win.
Something.

Right?

Home, anymore.

It's not your fault.
Or really mine, even.
Fell face-first in a hopeless hole
We'd dug so willingly ourselves.

I tried to help
So did you, but in the end
Love just isn't quite enough
To cover up the slights and slivers
Growing blisters in our life.

It's the hope that is the worst part.
The plans and dreams and hope for something better
That I'd finally realized
Wasn't enough either.

It isn't enough to hope and love
And dream and wish.
You gotta do
Stop talking and do.
Be still to listen so you can really hear
The shoe about to drop
Or the wave about to crash
Or the last door about to shut and disappear.

I tried to help.
So did you, but I
Just can't do this anymore.

I'm not sure that this hopeless is even a feeling, anymore.
But it might have bled out to clot over the whole place.
These bursting blisters full of our resentment
Our anger.
Our loss.
Just might have turned a great tide in me.

This might not be my home, anymore.

Travel Light.

Shedding baggage like
Paper snakeskin
It wouldn't be so heavy if it wasn't worth it,
I suppose.

Finally took that awful step,
and was less surprised by how much the fall hurt
And more surprised by how very clear the sky.

Breaking.

Another one bites the dust.
Another dragon missed the hole.
Breathe yet another sigh of
Dull relief that I didn't take a deeper plunge
Commit a bigger blunder
Or drag that forever out for longer.


Sorry I was so mistaken
Poor judge of character, you see
See, thought it was me who faked it
Found out it wasn't what it seemed.

We all learn, somehow
One way or another.
Rings and posies all fall down.
Disassembling eachother.

Your pieces don't quite fit mine.
As much as I might try.
Your shoulder isn't high enough
My arms just aren't that wide.

So look at me, my handsome man
Tell me what you see:
Your fortune or your future -
All I see is me.

In the end, the question begs:
(If ever I could ask)
Why would you want to love someone?
Who just doesn't love you back?